you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
