glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
