We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
