I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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