I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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