i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Welp...herpes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
