I wanna bring you to show and tell
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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