they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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