"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
