i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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