you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
