I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
