Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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