There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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