onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
