Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
