apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
