Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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