I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
