Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
