I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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