Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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