toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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