I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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