Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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