Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
