Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
