I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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