At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
