So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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