It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
