Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
