i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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