why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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