I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
