I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
