Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
