he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
