Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
