drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
