yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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