If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
