Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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