I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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