you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize