we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
