Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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