Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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