You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize