Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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