I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
