do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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