I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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