i would punch a child for taco bell
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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