I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
