wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
