Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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