is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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