Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
