I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
