not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
