1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
