like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
