I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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