I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
