I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize