If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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