I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In other news, I just burned my penis
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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