Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
