my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize