I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
